rooted, but still growing

Ants go marching

Posted on: September 15, 2009

It seems that every time I begin writing a new post, the first sentence that pops into my head is “there’s a lot going on.” Grammatically, it’s such a boring statement but often I honestly can’t think of another way to lead in to a review of the madness taking place in my life. Perhaps it’s because said madness sucks up so much of my thinking capacity that there’s hardly room left for any other type of thinking? Yeah, I think I’ll go with that.

I really feel like I should have devoted more time and words to K1 and his recent struggles. Believe me, I have a lot to say on that particular subject and how it has been handled. And yet I hesitated. I hesitated because the Internet is a very public place, and I’m not sure how much of that story was appropriate to share. Certainly K1 isn’t the only child to experience anxiety issues, but I have to be ever-cognizant of the fact that he is not MY child. I love him dearly, but he does not belong to me. This is something I was very coolly reminded of when his mother intercepted a very innocent text message I sent him while he was having a particularly bad morning. His mother’s jealousy issues, plus her amazing ability to go from Zero to Atomic Bitch in 0.3 seconds, is even more reason for me to be guarded when talking about K1 and K2. One of my worst fears is that my words and Internet presence (ha!) will be used against us should a custody battle ever arise.

Still, K1 and K2 are a part of my life and that’s not something I can or want to just ignore. Even from a distance they have such a profound effect on my daily life that omitting them from this blog just seems … wrong.

And so I plow ahead — carefully, ever carefully. K1 is doing much better. The doctors and therapists he’s seen have diagnosed him with an anxiety problem. There were several days he wasn’t able to go to school (he’d spent the early mornings crying and screaming), but he’s been able to return and has gotten really good reports from his teachers and the school counselor. Some of the anxiety was brought on by some changes at the school – he gets overwhelmed now that he’s expected to change classes by himself instead of with a group, and because he’s advanced he doesn’t have many of his buddies in his courses. He also quit the football team, which magnified the stress because he didn’t want people to think of him as a quitter.

All of these are things that seem so … not a big deal, you know? They’re things most children handle just fine. I learned though, with the help of my friend Robin over at PoppyMom, that anxiety is strange and that the fear and stress is very real to the person experiencing it – regardless of whether it seems insignificant or irrational. The trick will be helping K1 learn ways to manage the anxiety and go on to lead a normal, productive life. I think he’s on track.

(I still believe that a lot of these problems can be attributed to his upbringing, his home life, and the instability of a certain woman with whom he lives. That’s all I can say about that right now.)

I can’t remember if I mentioned that N has joined the cross-country team at his high school, which is keeping us really busy. He enjoys everything about the team, except the actual running. He’s doing well, though, improving his form and decreasing his time. He has a meet tonight that Steve and I are both attending, and right after that he’s going to a meeting of the local Civil Air Patrol.

This weekend I begin a leadership program offered by our local chamber of commerce. I’m excited – I’m hoping to meet cool people and make some new friends. We start Friday night with a dinner and get-together, and then are scheduled to spend all of Saturday going through a local challenge course, which appears to be an obstacle course on steroids. Seriously. I had to sign a waiver and provide proof of medical insurance, and the course description contains words like climbing tower, zip line, pamper pole and king swing.



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