rooted, but still growing

Drama. Big drama.

Posted on: September 4, 2009

I want to stab my eyes out with a pencil.

Not really, because that would hurt like a mofo. But I think it would pale in comparison to the shit that’s going down with this crazy family. If any of you out there are dating a man with children and are considering marrying said man, RUN. Unless, of course, you enjoy drama and angst and dealing with crap that is so totally not your fault and yet somehow the blame always ends up in your lap. Yeah, if you like that shizz, go ahead. Do it. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

K1 had some sort of manic episode at school yesterday, howling and crying so terribly in the counselor’s office that they had to call his mom. After K1 said he didn’t want to live, there was talk of having him admitted to the hospital for a few days for an evaluation of his mental and emotional health. Apparently, his school takes those things very seriously.

We aren’t sure at this point what’s going on, nor do we have any definitive idea as to why he’s acting this way. Oh, we have plenty of ideas. First of all, he’s the most dramatic child I have ever met, so any situation involving emotions is automatically escalated. Secondly, he’s extremely jealous that N is living with us now. He doesn’t fully understand that N’s move here was a desperately necessary thing, nor does he know that N had to give up in order for this to happen.

And third — and perhaps most telling — his mother is an emotional wreck herself. I can’t tell you the number of boyfriends she’s had in the past four years, but there have been MANY. Some of them have even had criminal records. No one disputes that she has a right to date, but she’s been going at it in such a desperate manner that it’s clearly becoming disruptive and damaging to the children. K1 told us over the summer that his mom spends the evenings in her room alone, sending text messages and watching soap operas. K1 makes dinner (usually a box of pasta), and he and K2 eat alone. His mother just got dumped out of her most recent relationship, and from the bits and pieces that I’ve heard, she apparently spends days on end in a depression each time this happens.

Evidently, there’s a whole lot of crying going on in that house.

Obviously, my first instinct is to make Steve get his ass on a plane and go get those boys. Ah, if only it were that easy. As much anger as I’m feeling toward their mother right now, I honestly can’t say that she’s doing any of this deliberately. I know she loves her children. And she does deserve to be happy, and to have a loving relationship. She’s going about it all wrong, though, and it’s starting to take its toll on the kids. Whether she will ever figure this out, though, is the million-dollar question.

Steve doesn’t want to ruffle her feathers. He’s also worried that a custody battle (if it comes to that), plus just relocating the boys and taking them from the only life they’ve known would do more harm than good. But when is enough? What’s it going to take to turn this situation around?

It’s glaringly obvious that the current situation isn’t working. Dramatic or not, when you have a brilliantly smart, pleasant child telling a school counselor that he doesn’t want to live anymore, you have a serious problem. Period. This shit needs taken care of, and it needs to be done NOW.

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